the constant need to run away from intentions and manipulation of others bears fatigue on my fragile inner self. the command is clear; to flee, or encumbrance or disillusionment will upset the balance of the world around me. You would have thought that all this waltzing near and running away was an indication of something positive. of charm or attractiveness. but in reality it constantly echoes the reminder that one does not get what one really wants and has to flee from all the wrong people to protect the sanity of the heart. another taunting reminder of how willing everyone around me is to compromise in order to fill the void inside them. how detrimental to the growth of an idealist who'd like to be a protected innocent sheep without the need to be shrewd as snakes.
but the state of running away is not a comfortable existence. Have i been ordained to run? I just want to get lost in my thoughts. Even if all is deliberately made unclear and vague by others and i play along, my heart is still sober minded. what an irony. But yes, my heart has started to develop a mind of its own, with thought process and archives of memory, experience and guidelines to govern how i feel. What an evolution that should set my feet dancing; no one could have foreseen it. leave me alone, i just want to be found by the right person. don't remind me of all that is wrong in the world.