i made a friend today called Shawn but we both know that it's only going to be this one night and we might never cross paths again, because he has a bird brain kind of memory that forgets names and faces the second we exchanged goodbyes. he actually confessed he remembers people by matric numbers and colour of their clothes better. he asked to examine my face minutes before we parted so that he might remember my face, but i believe it didn't register. whatever it is, we enjoyed each other's company and the incredible intellectual acrobatics. or rather, just talking about life in general on a more philosophical level. Think Before Sunset.
Then again, I've come to realize that films like Before Sunset romanticize such transient encounters of meaningful conversation too much. who says the male and female protagonists have to find in each other a soulmate just because they connect. I believe there are a million people out there who can connect with you if you'd the chance and place to devote your time to it. it's all a game of chance for those who don't believe in God and all an instance of God's subtle lesson to mold us for those who believe. call me a romantic waltzing through life, but i think it's the people who whizz through your life that leaves indelible marks on your outlook on life. Friends who stay longer grow with you so it's harder to say who's rubbing off who. maybe that's why i really love the Wong Kar Wai film, Chungking Express. More on that another time.
Back to my encounter. Details on how Shawn and i ended up talking in school till i had to catch the last bus back tonight don't matter; what's important is that i've come to realize that guys are human too and they are all complex and different from one another (yes, i confess i used to think they are alot more generic, either they must be decent or wild or gay. I've been too judgmental and too presumptuous in thinking that i know how they think and i ought to repent. ) There are many variants of intellectual or conversational guys. And i'm really starting to appreciate their company alot more, just as they are; through listening and sparring with them intellectually i've learnt much and they are alot more 3D to me now. RL Boy, SK, Shawn.
I'm just glad for the fact that i am free to just sit and chat with a stranger tonight without feeling that biological need to present myself as single, available female. I'm being brutally honest here.
i am considering to commit myself to not get into a relationship till graduation. If only to learn to live in the moment instead of being of a state of waiting-to-get-into-a-relationship. Like tonight. It's hard to explain but that one year i made the commitment to God to remain single, i still struggled but i felt i was slowly setting myself free from the compulsive need to find the right person to love. It was very much a detox of my emotions as i filtered out the needy and selfish reasons to get into a relationship and just enjoy the state of singlehood and all that freedom entails. I'd been more able to see guys as who they really are. And i think this season of my life when i'm still learning to be more aware of myself in relation to the world, it's good.