No matter how many personality tests i go through, i can't escape the quiet loner analysis :)
a day where the inner INFP in me surfaces and prompts me to be reticent. As usual the little proud lion in me tries to fight this urge to shut down and i tried to engage myself in the discussion for Contemporary Political Theory class, albeit half heartedly. Perhaps i should have allowed myself to be silent but i simply cannot condone silence when the floor's open and everyone looks awkwardly down at their notes or feet. Airtime to be is a concept to be filled to the full because learning for me is in the exchange of ideas.
But today, is a day of reticence. A general sense to withdraw from human interactions and hide in the library to get some work done or at least to write, even if it's a frivolous blog. Writing to me is as air is to the lungs. It can only be so long that i refrain from or forget to breathe.
This is a season when i want to find myself and my place in the world. Should i be a diplomat? A researcher? A creative director at an advertising company? A writer? A professor? An events management person? A bureaucrat in the United Nations? in Ortega's words, i'm the modern Mass Man faced with endless possibilities and yet a spirit which simultaneously blocks me from grabbing hold of these possibilities.
This semester, i declined the invitation to apply for an internship with the Public Sector. The non-desire helped to push it out of my mind till the deadline is well over (jan 20, i checked my email account just now) as always. a lingering "What then?" occupies a corner of my mind but i do have an inkling that God will lead me to something of meaning and purpose for me. He has wired me unable to be in a vocation just for the money or security.
I know i need to do something creative, not just in an ARTS sense, but in an IDEAS sense. i need to travel widely. i need to be stimulated. i need to be working for causes i believe in.
What's left, is to connect the dots and figure out which job fits these clauses.