It's already February, but it only seems that the year only started off sparkling new now. perhaps because Chinese New Year has always been a more proper reference point for me rather than Jan 1, or perhaps because February is always a special month for me. Not least because it's my birth month.
But more importantly, February, is the month to dream, where anything goes. The epitome of "Dreams are the blueprint of the life".
Associated with Feb is also a sense of romanticism and wistfulness about it, being a month shorter than all the others, being a season that allows one to dream, without all the rush of January, all the laze and excitement of june and july, all that solemn reflective mood of November and December.
I've been dreaming alot, with some of those vague dreams taking place slowly in fast paced January. Surrounded myself with some beautiful things, getting my body in check with exercise, taking care of a shell to house a beautiful soul. There has been too much talk of inner beauty for those who shun the pain of never feeling adequate; it's more accurate to speak of a beautiful house for a beautiful soul, but not before we figure out that beauty on the outside is not a definition monopolized by images of magazine cover models or painted faces on the television.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.1 Peter 3:3-4
Beauty shouldn't be divisible into outer and inner regions, but an inner quality, an inner confidence of one's worth that radiates from the inside out. The origins are deep, but manifestations outward as well. An overflow not unlike the love of God that doesn't cease its flow in the face of tribulations and trials. There is a certain timeless quality about that beauty that captivates and attracts unknowingly. But there is a time and season to be acutely aware of that beauty that radiates outwards, so that one may learn how to graciously be the vessel of beauty to the world.
i constantly fight the battle that makes me feel like Frankenstein. i never know quite what to feel from my own reflection from reflective surfaces in shopping malls. Sometimes exuberant others despondent. But it is an inner fight of definitions and belief systems that have malfunctioned. Time to renew, time to move on, time for some redefinition. and hence, Romans 12:2 rings out.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.There are many things to dream about. I dream of travel, love, beauty. Honestly, the three areas are not that distinct from one another. I ask myself if I could be ready to be mundane and ordinary at this stage of my life. Of marrying a regular good boy, having a few kids to occupy mt time, getting by with some finance-related job or even to be a tai tai whose occupation is a languid afternoon with tea and tai-tai friends whilst my kids play with my pals' kids... and the answer is no. and i fear that i can't be satisfied with that in foreseeable future. A part of me too intense, too flighty, too ambitious, too romantic and too fluid with that kind of security. i need to gravitate towards excitement and uncertainty. Until that happens, my soul feels a little too empty.