my dad went for a tooth extraction a few days ago due to complications from his wisdom teeth and it induced in me a newfound fervor and conscientiousness in my daily teeth-brushing rituals. decaying teeth are not pretty sights to behold, especially when they've been uprooted and you are able to scrutinize the gaping black hole where good ol' healthy, pearlie white enamel is supposed to be. i was happy to note however, that as of yesterday i remain wisdom-teethless. the trauma of tooth extraction might very well regulate my uncontrolled and sometimes guilt-ridden eating habits (for a week or so?) but i REALLY hate porridge so no thanks.
therie is vehemently opposed to my deliberation on doing a soft rebonding for my hair. my conscience does prompt me that i don't really want straight hair but soft healthy hair so it does make alot of sense for me to go for some elusive DIY treatment rather than the "easy way out" of breaking up all the hydrogen bonds and regrouping them in hope they can look natural in the longer run. however, as usual, i'm a little downtrodden with my new trim - i never am completely happy with my hair; it's always in need of a haircut or should-not-have-been-cut. i need to accept the volume and frizz to a reasonable extent i concur. (but have never acted upon this head-knowledge conviction)
i hitched a ride from someone in school the other day and there was something amorphous about the way i thought his driving technique attractive. it was a smooth and decisive woooooosh ride. eh. i can't really explain it. and there's something about the way that he rarely smiles except when in conversation outside of class. or how he laughs out loud very often when he talks to me. i think i need to be less easily attracted to people. wake up girl!
the situation in Thailand is fascinating and in India worrying. At the back of my mind though, I'm concerned with my thesis on the protests in Thailand; so much new material to write about due to the turn of events in the past week or so.. i feel an excitement in my stomach, as if i'm at the academic forefront of things, but an equal and opposite thrust - a fear that I will not be able to do a good job with it. it's the feeling of not wanting to start on a piece of art or writing or music because
1) you know you want it to be as good as you know it has the potential to be
2) you know you need time and space to do that
3) you are afraid with the time and space it's still going to fall short of what it could be.
but i'm halfway in and i'm not about to give up what the Lord has given me. You go, girl.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Saturday, 22 November 2008
de temps en temps
De temps en temp Je craque sous le poids de l'espérance
Je vais parfois à contre sens
De temps en temps
J'ai des flèches plantées au coeur
De la peine, de la rancoeur
De temps en temps
Je ris de rien
Je fais le con parce que j'aime bien
De temps en temps
J'avance en ayant peur
Je suis le fil de mes erreurs
Et très souvent...
{Refrain :}
Je me relève sous ton regard
Je fais des rêves où tout va bien
Je me bouscule, te prends la main
Au crépuscule, je te rejoins
Je me relève sous ton regard
Je fais le rêve d'aller plus loin
Je me bouscule, te prends la main
Du crépuscule jusqu'au matin
De temps en temps
Je plie sous le poids du sort,
Et des souffrances collées au corps,
De temps en temps
Je prends des coups dans le dos
Des conneries, des jeux de mots,
De temps en temps
Je regrette l’innocence
Qu’on peut avoir dans notre enfance
De temps en temps
Je veux la paix
Pour moi, je n’ai plus de respect
Et très souvent…
{Refrain}
De temps en temps
Je pense à tort
Que pas de larmes, c'est être fort
Au fond ce que j'attends
C'est voir le bout de nos efforts
Que l'amour soit là encore
Je me relève sous ton regard
Je fais des rêves où tout va bien
Je me bouscule, te prends la main
Au crépuscule, je te rejoins
Don't Judge on Appearances - By Cliff Young
The average man's judgment is so poor; he runs a risk every time he uses it.
-- Edgar Watson Howe, American Editor
Have you judged a person not worthy to get to know or start a relationship with?
Have you judged yourself as not good enough for something or somebody?
Have you judged a situation to be insurmountable with no hope of change?
We tend to make these determinations because we base our conclusion about others, ourselves, and our situation on superficial information and perception rather than on knowledge and discernment. We see the same every night on television reality shows, political commentaries, and even sports reports. Judgment is made by the way things appear instead of with accurate information and understanding.
Stop judging by the way things look (mere appearance), and make a right judgment (John 7:24).
Others
Have you ever labeled someone in your mind as a result of a first impression? I catch myself making assumptions or passing judgment (positively and negatively) on people based upon their affiliations, the way they look, what their profession is or where they may live. I know this isn't what God wants me to do, nor do I consciously set out to make such judgments, yet I inherently fall short.
God did not create the division, denominations, or political parties separating us today. We have. As a result, we use these dividing lines to categorize and make assumptions instead of getting to know others for who they really are. When we label people, we put them into a "box." This limits our thinking, how we care about others, how we treat people, and how we share God's love.
When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?"....The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans) (John 4:7, 9).
Regardless of appearance, background, heritage, gender and even tradition--Jesus initiated a conversation with the Samaritan woman accepting her for who she was and to offer her eternal life.
If we are striving to live a life that is Spirit-filled and more like Jesus, we should make every effort to interact with people in the same way Jesus did, with compassion, forgiveness, grace, mercy and love.
Don't judge others solely on appearance. Take the time to get to know a person's heart and their character. You are the one who might be changed.
Ourselves
Have you ever looked into the mirror and felt discouraged? Do you compare your talents, abilities, and possessions to others and feel you were overlooked by God in some ways? I fall into this trap and often ask myself, "Why do I evaluate myself through the eyes of society and media rather than through the eyes of Jesus?!"
The world's opinion is temporal. We rarely keep up with the latest hairstyle, fashion, cars or gadgets for a season, let alone throughout our lives. However, if we have a Kingdom perspective, we will begin to accept ourselves for who we are, a child of God. We can then appreciate our differences and embrace the individual journey God has for each of us.
God doesn't think of us as ordinary, common, or unremarkable. He sees beautiful, extraordinary, valuable creations formed with His hands and exactly the way He designed.
So God created man in His own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (1 Peter 3:3-4).
The Pharisees were some of the most pride-filled, judgmental individuals of their time. Adorned in their robes and embellishments, they would stride through the temple courts thinking highly of themselves while looking down upon others. Though they may have been emulated by some because of their outward appearance, their hearts were hardened and their focus was on themselves rather than on God.
They (Pharisees) don't practice what they teach....Everything they do is for show....They enjoy the attention they get on the streets (Matthew 23:3, 5, 7).
Don't scrutinize over yourself based upon ever-changing guidelines set by the world's standards. Praise God for the uniqueness in which He created you.
Our Situation
It's easy to feel pessimistic at how the state of our country, our family (or lack of) and our life appears. We wake up each day to the uncertainties of national security, high taxes, gas prices, job security, debt and the stock market. We can choose to approach our circumstances by complaining, blaming others, doing nothing, and hoping for a change, or we can seek ways to alter it.
Paul shares his secret of how to deal with every situation.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13).
He tells us we can do (by taking action) everything (having no limits) through Him (through God) who gives us strength (with the ability to accomplish it). I truly believe this.
I have asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life. Yet, when I worry about and evaluate situations based on how they may appear (taking too long, going a different direction, no foreseeable solution, etc.), I do not demonstrate my trust in Him. Asking ourselves, "Have I completely given 'it' (job, relationships, family, finances, etc.) to Him?" will continue to mature us in Christ.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding (nor how it may look) (Proverbs 3:5).
Lift up your specific concern to the Lord and ask Him to show you the direction and action to take. Be patient and prayerful--the answer may be "yes," "no," or "not yet."
I have discovered that basing my judgment and conclusions on how people and situations appear is often flawed as a result of my own restricted vision. It reminds me of the time I began watching a 3-D animated movie without 3-D specific glasses. Even though I could see the picture, it was blurred and distorted. With the appropriate lenses, however, the whole screen came alive with color, depth and clarity.
I often struggle seeing how God is using me or those around me. It may be difficult comprehending how my current situation will help me grow or where it may lead. However, if I continually look at my life and my surroundings through Jesus' eyes and perspective, I will see myself, others and my situation with love, joy, peace and patience.
May you be blessed for your good judgment... (1 Samuel 25:33).
-- Edgar Watson Howe, American Editor
Have you judged a person not worthy to get to know or start a relationship with?
Have you judged yourself as not good enough for something or somebody?
Have you judged a situation to be insurmountable with no hope of change?
We tend to make these determinations because we base our conclusion about others, ourselves, and our situation on superficial information and perception rather than on knowledge and discernment. We see the same every night on television reality shows, political commentaries, and even sports reports. Judgment is made by the way things appear instead of with accurate information and understanding.
Stop judging by the way things look (mere appearance), and make a right judgment (John 7:24).
Others
Have you ever labeled someone in your mind as a result of a first impression? I catch myself making assumptions or passing judgment (positively and negatively) on people based upon their affiliations, the way they look, what their profession is or where they may live. I know this isn't what God wants me to do, nor do I consciously set out to make such judgments, yet I inherently fall short.
God did not create the division, denominations, or political parties separating us today. We have. As a result, we use these dividing lines to categorize and make assumptions instead of getting to know others for who they really are. When we label people, we put them into a "box." This limits our thinking, how we care about others, how we treat people, and how we share God's love.
When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?"....The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans) (John 4:7, 9).
Regardless of appearance, background, heritage, gender and even tradition--Jesus initiated a conversation with the Samaritan woman accepting her for who she was and to offer her eternal life.
If we are striving to live a life that is Spirit-filled and more like Jesus, we should make every effort to interact with people in the same way Jesus did, with compassion, forgiveness, grace, mercy and love.
Don't judge others solely on appearance. Take the time to get to know a person's heart and their character. You are the one who might be changed.
Ourselves
Have you ever looked into the mirror and felt discouraged? Do you compare your talents, abilities, and possessions to others and feel you were overlooked by God in some ways? I fall into this trap and often ask myself, "Why do I evaluate myself through the eyes of society and media rather than through the eyes of Jesus?!"
The world's opinion is temporal. We rarely keep up with the latest hairstyle, fashion, cars or gadgets for a season, let alone throughout our lives. However, if we have a Kingdom perspective, we will begin to accept ourselves for who we are, a child of God. We can then appreciate our differences and embrace the individual journey God has for each of us.
God doesn't think of us as ordinary, common, or unremarkable. He sees beautiful, extraordinary, valuable creations formed with His hands and exactly the way He designed.
So God created man in His own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight (1 Peter 3:3-4).
The Pharisees were some of the most pride-filled, judgmental individuals of their time. Adorned in their robes and embellishments, they would stride through the temple courts thinking highly of themselves while looking down upon others. Though they may have been emulated by some because of their outward appearance, their hearts were hardened and their focus was on themselves rather than on God.
They (Pharisees) don't practice what they teach....Everything they do is for show....They enjoy the attention they get on the streets (Matthew 23:3, 5, 7).
Don't scrutinize over yourself based upon ever-changing guidelines set by the world's standards. Praise God for the uniqueness in which He created you.
Our Situation
It's easy to feel pessimistic at how the state of our country, our family (or lack of) and our life appears. We wake up each day to the uncertainties of national security, high taxes, gas prices, job security, debt and the stock market. We can choose to approach our circumstances by complaining, blaming others, doing nothing, and hoping for a change, or we can seek ways to alter it.
Paul shares his secret of how to deal with every situation.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:12-13).
He tells us we can do (by taking action) everything (having no limits) through Him (through God) who gives us strength (with the ability to accomplish it). I truly believe this.
I have asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life. Yet, when I worry about and evaluate situations based on how they may appear (taking too long, going a different direction, no foreseeable solution, etc.), I do not demonstrate my trust in Him. Asking ourselves, "Have I completely given 'it' (job, relationships, family, finances, etc.) to Him?" will continue to mature us in Christ.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding (nor how it may look) (Proverbs 3:5).
Lift up your specific concern to the Lord and ask Him to show you the direction and action to take. Be patient and prayerful--the answer may be "yes," "no," or "not yet."
I have discovered that basing my judgment and conclusions on how people and situations appear is often flawed as a result of my own restricted vision. It reminds me of the time I began watching a 3-D animated movie without 3-D specific glasses. Even though I could see the picture, it was blurred and distorted. With the appropriate lenses, however, the whole screen came alive with color, depth and clarity.
I often struggle seeing how God is using me or those around me. It may be difficult comprehending how my current situation will help me grow or where it may lead. However, if I continually look at my life and my surroundings through Jesus' eyes and perspective, I will see myself, others and my situation with love, joy, peace and patience.
May you be blessed for your good judgment... (1 Samuel 25:33).
De Ton Amour
De ton amour
Je m'tais fait
Le seul secours
Que j'attendais
Et tes "toujours"
Et tes "jamais"
C'est un peu court
Mais j'y croyais
Mais ca y est, tout est dit
On s'tait mal compris
Tu joues, t'as perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre
Ni la nuit, ni le jour
Tu peux toujours attendre mon retour
J'ai fini par comprendre
J'en ai assez, j'ai fait le tour, le tour
De ton amour
De ton amour
Je n'garde rien
Y'avais pas lourd
En y regardant bien
Je passe mon tour
J'en ai assez
De tes discours
De supermarch
Mais ca y est, tout est dit
On s'tait mal compris
Tu joues, ta perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre
Ni la nuit, ni le jour
Tu peux toujours attendre mon retour
J'ai fini par comprendre
J'en ai assez, j'ai fait le tour, le tour
De ton amour
Moi j'en veux plus
C'est sans recours
N'en parlons plus
Car ca y est, tout est dit,
On s'tait mal compris
T'as tout perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre...
Que j'attendais
Et tes "toujours"
Et tes "jamais"
C'est un peu court
Mais j'y croyais
Mais ca y est, tout est dit
On s'tait mal compris
Tu joues, t'as perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre
Ni la nuit, ni le jour
Tu peux toujours attendre mon retour
J'ai fini par comprendre
J'en ai assez, j'ai fait le tour, le tour
De ton amour
De ton amour
Je n'garde rien
Y'avais pas lourd
En y regardant bien
Je passe mon tour
J'en ai assez
De tes discours
De supermarch
Mais ca y est, tout est dit
On s'tait mal compris
Tu joues, ta perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre
Ni la nuit, ni le jour
Tu peux toujours attendre mon retour
J'ai fini par comprendre
J'en ai assez, j'ai fait le tour, le tour
De ton amour
Moi j'en veux plus
C'est sans recours
N'en parlons plus
Car ca y est, tout est dit,
On s'tait mal compris
T'as tout perdu, tant pis
Je ne vais plus t'attendre...
Thursday, 20 November 2008
Saturday, 15 November 2008
a perennial problem.
i have a perennial problem with handsome and/or powerful men. i find them highly distracting and myself highly inauthentic, stiff and silent around them. if there's one thing i have a problem with, is to be unlike myself, talking too loud or too little, setting myself on a quest to promenade. my latest resolve is to avoid/ignore the said species.
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Thoughts on US elections 2008
Yet, I cannot adequately express my thoughts after reading Obama's book; suffice to say that his title speaks it all and it changed my outlook on life. Yet this change was not a subtraction or addition to my worldview, but an articulation and distillation of ideals that resonated inside of me. A moment of epiphany, if you will. There was something in me that clicked and I contemplated the possibilty of studying law in the US after my undergraduate studies. As I followed the course of the elections, through the news, election debates and of course the all-too-hilarious Saturday Night Live, I began to increase my appreciation and admiration of the American system, which had started more than a year ago when i was reading Tocqueville's Democracy in America for my Democracy class. There was something about the spirit of democracy that spoke of more than an electoral system or a way of governance; it was the tenacity of the human spirit to overcome odds and the will to bridge chasms between the stratas of society that enamoured me. To me, Obama embodied that American (or should i say, human) spirit. Of course, when Obama won the elections a few days ago, I was in a state of euphoria. a paradoxically calm euphoria, because i expected him to win. It just seemed to me improbable that the America would not elect him to lead the nation. But of course, I was also painfully aware of my distance from America; both physical and psychological. I am but an outsider, looking in. However, even as an observer of American Politics, I remain greatly inspired and encouraged.
I am doing this module, Rhetoric and Politics for my Honours class and I had to pick a speech and evalutate its rhetorical and political effectives. Expectantly and expectedly (my coursemates, who endured my vocal views on American politics), i picked Obama's A More Perfect Union. Critics have dismissed Obama's exemplary oratory and writing skills as nothing more than Sophistry, but personally, i sense in the now President-of-United-States an authentic spirit and sincere hopes of serving his country and upholding the ideals of humanity, articulated by the Founding Fathers of America in the preamble to the United States of America,
"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
Of course, President Obama has much on his hands, with the Wall Street meltdown, the war on Iraq and many other pressing issues. But i believe that America can and will overcome the challenges ahead.
May each of us find in ourselves the same tenacity of spirit.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
private pains.
by chance i got to know that Bit's dad passed away. it was after he appeared in class to give a funny (as usual) presentation on Hitler's speech-making skills. I guessed it from his tired eyes actually, when i stopped to chat with him; i didn't probe and Mark broke the news to me after he left. I knew Bit would give an entertaining presentation; yet i found myself shocked that he cared enough about school to brace himself to give a presentation in the midst of that pain. And then it hit me today how we all have our private pains; some more than others, but we all bear pains under the shield of a public persona.
And it made me all the more determined to see beyond my private pains and fears. To see everyone else as a worthy and important and delicate being that the Creator has made in fear and wonder.
And it made me all the more determined to see beyond my private pains and fears. To see everyone else as a worthy and important and delicate being that the Creator has made in fear and wonder.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Koizora
i fear that i might be detaching myself from reality by immersing myself in movie and TV. perhaps it's a sign that stress is setting in once more, this season of the semester. it's much easier to do nothing constructive and stay in virtual reality without worrying over how my timeline is faring. Yet withdrawal symptom of emptiness looms after the screen stops moving and the static picture reminds me that i'm still where i am, with that mountain of work to do and that lack of excitement and colourful emotions that these characters have. My emotions? two-dimensional boredom. Watching people who laugh and cry and live purposefully makes me envious. oh well :(
everything you would expect in a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching love story between a couple whose love spans over high school and beyond. love it for its beautiful cinematography, perfect characters and dreamy landscapes, hate it for how much of a utopia the movie etched into my head. still, i would watch it again. and again, maybe.
sigh.
everything you would expect in a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching love story between a couple whose love spans over high school and beyond. love it for its beautiful cinematography, perfect characters and dreamy landscapes, hate it for how much of a utopia the movie etched into my head. still, i would watch it again. and again, maybe.
sigh.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
coming alive!
I am rather pleased with how seminar discussions went yesterday; i came alive to ponder aloud the thoughts that i had with regards to modern political speech and theory of communications in Rhetoric & Politics class. We debated (or rather i brought up the particular issue) about Liefenstahl and the use of cinematography to enshrine Hitler's speech in The Triumph of the Will. Invariably, the discussion led to media portrayal of even more recent speeches and yes, we ended up talking about Joe (NOT Biden, the plumber i mean) and Obama. I think I've given myself the honorable title of THE Obama Supporter in class. I'm not proud of it persay (because pride is sin!), but let's just say I know the grounds on which my preference and support lies and I'm thankful that the Lord had given me the curiosity and capacity to think widely about different issues and subjects instead of basing my opinions on hearsay and impressions. Since becoming a Political Science major, i learnt to greatly disdain comments that have not been carefully thought through and pondered; regurgitation of stale positions on any matter is most adverse to my taste.
Also, I'm beginning to really enjoy all that has come my way; Architectural Theory, Film Art, Art History, French, Sociology of Media, Rhetoric, Music, and of course, Political Science. Since waltzing towards the realm of ART in its various forms and disciplines, I've grown to appreciate beauty in more nuanced and satisfying ways. I now have a greater vocabulary and better grammar to express a deeper level of the mysteries of being alive. I might not have known why i chose Political Science in NUS 4 years ago, but it's becoming clearer and clearer that God already knew beforehand (and i knew instinctively) this is the path to enrichment. The pact i made with myself (because then i had not yet known GOD) was that it will be a worthy journey. That i will learn not to get good grades (because that will come as a result of the latter), but to LIVE a fruitful intellectual/internal life. And i'm very very very grateful and thankful and exuberant that every semester has been such enrichment of my soul. God really really really knows best.
Also, I'm beginning to really enjoy all that has come my way; Architectural Theory, Film Art, Art History, French, Sociology of Media, Rhetoric, Music, and of course, Political Science. Since waltzing towards the realm of ART in its various forms and disciplines, I've grown to appreciate beauty in more nuanced and satisfying ways. I now have a greater vocabulary and better grammar to express a deeper level of the mysteries of being alive. I might not have known why i chose Political Science in NUS 4 years ago, but it's becoming clearer and clearer that God already knew beforehand (and i knew instinctively) this is the path to enrichment. The pact i made with myself (because then i had not yet known GOD) was that it will be a worthy journey. That i will learn not to get good grades (because that will come as a result of the latter), but to LIVE a fruitful intellectual/internal life. And i'm very very very grateful and thankful and exuberant that every semester has been such enrichment of my soul. God really really really knows best.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
What is Art?
“A real work of art destroys in the consciousness of the recipient the separation between himself and the artist, not that alone, but also between himself and all whose minds receive this work of art. In this freeing of our personality from its separation and isolation, in this uniting of it with others, lies the chief characteristic and the great attractive force of art.
An artist’s work cannot be interpreted. Had it been possible to explain in words what he wished to convey, the artist would have expressed himself in words. He expressed it by his art, only because the feeling he experiences could not be otherwise transmitted. The interpretation of works of art by words only indicates that the interpreter himself is incapable of feeling the infection of art. And this is actually the case, for, however strange it might seem so, critics have been people less susceptible than other men to the contagion of art. For the most part they are able writers, educated and clever, but with their capacity for being infected by art quite perverted or atrophied. And therefore their writings have always largely contributed, and still contribute, to the perversion of taste of that public which reads them and trusts them. “
Leo Tolstoy, ‘What is Art’ in Aesthetics, 1965
Of Rodin and Wong Kar Wei.
Rodin, a French sculptor who created the partial figure, who worked with the vision that the human figure is complete without the sum of its parts. He used marcottage and repetition to a feverish pitch; frequently reusing and reassembling the body to create different personas. The same schizophrenic tendency exists in his renaming of The Poet to The Thinker, The Vanquished to The Age of Bronze.
Wong Kar Wei, Hongkong director who created and recreated his characters in different films, the same name, the same idiosyncrasies, different settings and stories told. He freely used takes of one movie and transported them to another, for stories are but disparate images, waiting to be made sense of.
Of Magritte and Jay Chou
René Magritte, French Surrealist who used the constant image of the man in the bowler-hat to orchestrate different enigmas. The simplicity of a man is rendered not-so-innocuous in his juxtaposition with a life-sized fish or a green apple but critics are never able to get to the heart of the matter; is the reusing of the man in the bowler-hat a statement?
Jay Chou, Taiwanese songwriter and artist who used the same musical themes for ten tracks in his 8 albums to date, evolving in his pieces in slight notches, while retaining the constant formula. The spin-offs from his diverse musicality highlights the pirate nature of the music industry itself.
but why call it piracy and not an art movement?
Friday, 17 October 2008
the quintessential truth
it was a strange day that i had. affirming and hopefully, yet puzzling. As i shared with her my bgr (or lackthereof) fears, she said with much kindness that i must surely know that i am attractive and have many suitors. quizzically, i studied her gentle face for signs of truth as she uttered those words, but promptly i shut my eyes and shook my head, as if trying to remove the tangible weight of her words from my ears. how can it be if i don't notice it at all? yet i know this wise woman of the Lord will not lie to me.
i did not dare to probe further what or who she meant in those words of affirmation. as i went on my business in school and finally had solitary time on the bus journey back, i reflected on what we shared and decided in my heart that i had done right by letting that comment slip. if i hadn't noticed anyone my way, it must be that we're not ready or that those people weren't God's choice for me. He, in His infinite wisdom, had veiled my eyes and guarded my heart with a fierce tenacity. i have in my mind a much zealous and jealous Father who knows what's best for me, which is very comforting. the little piece of quintessential truth i had not probed, and yet it brought me a tiny glimmer of hope.
i did not dare to probe further what or who she meant in those words of affirmation. as i went on my business in school and finally had solitary time on the bus journey back, i reflected on what we shared and decided in my heart that i had done right by letting that comment slip. if i hadn't noticed anyone my way, it must be that we're not ready or that those people weren't God's choice for me. He, in His infinite wisdom, had veiled my eyes and guarded my heart with a fierce tenacity. i have in my mind a much zealous and jealous Father who knows what's best for me, which is very comforting. the little piece of quintessential truth i had not probed, and yet it brought me a tiny glimmer of hope.
Monday, 13 October 2008
of oscillation and equilibrium
i've come to understand that we all oscillate, in the breeze of our fears and our doubts. It takes more for some to forgive their own waverings, but we can all take solace in the fact that we're always connected to the pendulum that will never let us go, a force that counters gravity on our behalf and gives us a true security in this ride. we can swing to extremes but there is always a place of equilibrium to return to.
i've come to experience prayer as a lifeline, especially in those painful and dark moments of silence. or so it seems. sometimes, it's not the silence but the deafening voice of self doubt and fear that drowns out rationality and spirituality. i pray to God without immediate relief, and can only summon enough remnants of faith to remember to will myself to hold on to the glimmer of belief that the prayer is heard and i am in good hands. No overwhelming sense of peace flood me, but the voices subside and i can finally sleep in that true silence. i awake with a renewed sense of purpose and hope the following day and watch in thankfulness as life unfolds to present me with gifts and little blessings that make my day. And then i know for sure that God had heard and prayer is the very very essential thing to hold on to in the midst of the tempest, no matter how tempting it is to let go of all hope of life in the choppy waters.
i've come to believe that honesty to who i am is not vulnerable. i fight the urge to put on makeup when i'm feeling insecure and scared. and i sense that authenticity is my strongest shield and fortress against self-doubt. and i transcend the meagre worries and insecurites and come to see that i have much more to offer to this world than a mask.
i've come to hope that the one i would love possess 5 core qualities. All these i see in different people who have crossed my path and i believe that he exists as an entity, not a list floating around in the recesses of my mind. One, a love and fear of God. Love to keep him close to God and Fear to keep him from wandering too far. Two, a tongue of affirmation and kind words to edify all those around him. Three, an individual to connect with me spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. Four, a man of inner and outer strength. Five, a level of comfort with him that allows for me to be who i am and knowing that i am still loved.
i've come to realise that i CAN ask for all these things, because God refined this list for me. i ask in unabashed boldness, not unlike a child asking a parent for guidance. it takes honesty to one's own heart, honesty to face God's heart, honesty to even dare to articulate this honesty.
i've come to experience prayer as a lifeline, especially in those painful and dark moments of silence. or so it seems. sometimes, it's not the silence but the deafening voice of self doubt and fear that drowns out rationality and spirituality. i pray to God without immediate relief, and can only summon enough remnants of faith to remember to will myself to hold on to the glimmer of belief that the prayer is heard and i am in good hands. No overwhelming sense of peace flood me, but the voices subside and i can finally sleep in that true silence. i awake with a renewed sense of purpose and hope the following day and watch in thankfulness as life unfolds to present me with gifts and little blessings that make my day. And then i know for sure that God had heard and prayer is the very very essential thing to hold on to in the midst of the tempest, no matter how tempting it is to let go of all hope of life in the choppy waters.
i've come to believe that honesty to who i am is not vulnerable. i fight the urge to put on makeup when i'm feeling insecure and scared. and i sense that authenticity is my strongest shield and fortress against self-doubt. and i transcend the meagre worries and insecurites and come to see that i have much more to offer to this world than a mask.
i've come to hope that the one i would love possess 5 core qualities. All these i see in different people who have crossed my path and i believe that he exists as an entity, not a list floating around in the recesses of my mind. One, a love and fear of God. Love to keep him close to God and Fear to keep him from wandering too far. Two, a tongue of affirmation and kind words to edify all those around him. Three, an individual to connect with me spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. Four, a man of inner and outer strength. Five, a level of comfort with him that allows for me to be who i am and knowing that i am still loved.
i've come to realise that i CAN ask for all these things, because God refined this list for me. i ask in unabashed boldness, not unlike a child asking a parent for guidance. it takes honesty to one's own heart, honesty to face God's heart, honesty to even dare to articulate this honesty.
Sunday, 12 October 2008
perhaps perhaps perhaps
been feeling paradoxically deeply empty, as if i had voluntarily ebbed away my youth sitting around feeling empty on weekends and doing nothing active about it. the worst part of it isn't the emptiness, but the looming belief that i'd chosen wrongly to cut people, dreams, activities and things away from my life. i wish to think that they were right choices; a honing of academic skills, an enrichment of my inner life, a guarding of time and energy, an investment towards my calling into the future but all signs point to a lack. a lack of activity now that fulfills my emotional and social needs.
if i had been more rebellious i'd have packed my bags and left home to see the world when i was 18. Perhaps if i had done that i'd have a deeper understanding of what it means to choose and to live.
if i had been more directed i'd have left my studies to pursue my inclination towards music and the arts. Perhaps i'd have met people who inspired me to create works of beauty that transcended the mundane.
if i were a more determined person i'd have mastered all the skills i've learnt but never acquired. Perhaps i'd have done something useful with my time and daydreaming.
if i were a less contradictory person i'd just follow my heart instead of sit down and hear the heated exchange between my mind and my heart; with the moralising mind admonishing the weak-willed whimpers of my heart. Perhaps i'd have had seen more of the world and forged a path for myself.
but i had done none of that. i am me and that's no me in that parallel universe of "Perhaps".
i can't see God in the picture but i know He's there somewhere, leading me down this path. I just wish that I could see what He sees. because from my vantage point, it does seem that i've wasted much of my youth and killed too many premature dreams.
i'd always thought the most unrealised and unfulfilled the people in the world are those who don't know where they're going and why they're living when they're 50. the wanderers and the bummers, the people who drift along life with no apparent purpose or destination. then stories entered my life and it seemed that they were perhaps the people who are the true romantics who defied the dictates of a tyrannical "society". by and by i learnt that 'conventions' and 'doing the right thing' by going through school, meeting a passable someone and dating and getting married and have kids and grow old, losing one's looks and security and love in marriage is downright sad and 'brainwashed' way of living life. i was truly depressed with the lack of meaning in my life then and with the meaningless existence i was convinced i had to follow. i was more than convinced that i was trapped in a body and a life that was designed to constrict and suffocate me.
i then met God. it seemed to me then that He showed me that life was much more than the drab existence i was doomed for. i experienced a glimmer of hope in the word Salvation. it was a word i never knew and a concept even more remote. it's been coming close to 3 years, this life of Salvation i've been living. And i have readjusted my outlook on life, grappling with the Christian faith and Christian conception of life purpose and marriage. i gained much hope, i was putting on the new self that i found in Christ. it seemed to me that i was created for happiness, purposefulness, godliness and LIFE to the full. but these months, i am starting to fear once again. i fear that my transformation in Christ had been regressing, for i confront a familiar past packed with deadening emptiness and disconcerting anxiety that time is slipping away and i am being sedated into a living-dead status.
whatever is happening to me? did i do something wrong?
if i had been more rebellious i'd have packed my bags and left home to see the world when i was 18. Perhaps if i had done that i'd have a deeper understanding of what it means to choose and to live.
if i had been more directed i'd have left my studies to pursue my inclination towards music and the arts. Perhaps i'd have met people who inspired me to create works of beauty that transcended the mundane.
if i were a more determined person i'd have mastered all the skills i've learnt but never acquired. Perhaps i'd have done something useful with my time and daydreaming.
if i were a less contradictory person i'd just follow my heart instead of sit down and hear the heated exchange between my mind and my heart; with the moralising mind admonishing the weak-willed whimpers of my heart. Perhaps i'd have had seen more of the world and forged a path for myself.
but i had done none of that. i am me and that's no me in that parallel universe of "Perhaps".
i can't see God in the picture but i know He's there somewhere, leading me down this path. I just wish that I could see what He sees. because from my vantage point, it does seem that i've wasted much of my youth and killed too many premature dreams.
i'd always thought the most unrealised and unfulfilled the people in the world are those who don't know where they're going and why they're living when they're 50. the wanderers and the bummers, the people who drift along life with no apparent purpose or destination. then stories entered my life and it seemed that they were perhaps the people who are the true romantics who defied the dictates of a tyrannical "society". by and by i learnt that 'conventions' and 'doing the right thing' by going through school, meeting a passable someone and dating and getting married and have kids and grow old, losing one's looks and security and love in marriage is downright sad and 'brainwashed' way of living life. i was truly depressed with the lack of meaning in my life then and with the meaningless existence i was convinced i had to follow. i was more than convinced that i was trapped in a body and a life that was designed to constrict and suffocate me.
i then met God. it seemed to me then that He showed me that life was much more than the drab existence i was doomed for. i experienced a glimmer of hope in the word Salvation. it was a word i never knew and a concept even more remote. it's been coming close to 3 years, this life of Salvation i've been living. And i have readjusted my outlook on life, grappling with the Christian faith and Christian conception of life purpose and marriage. i gained much hope, i was putting on the new self that i found in Christ. it seemed to me that i was created for happiness, purposefulness, godliness and LIFE to the full. but these months, i am starting to fear once again. i fear that my transformation in Christ had been regressing, for i confront a familiar past packed with deadening emptiness and disconcerting anxiety that time is slipping away and i am being sedated into a living-dead status.
whatever is happening to me? did i do something wrong?
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Youth without Youth (2007)
Monday, 6 October 2008
broken cisterns.
it hit me that the first impression God gave me when i first stepped into His House 2 years ago that i could freely drink from the river that flows before His throne. it hit me today when i was listening to a random evangelical sermon podcast that I am collecting water in broken cisterns in a dry and thirsty land when God says to seek His unending river.
I feel my own desperation in collecting remnants of mirages of oasis in broken glassware very much recently. As if seized by an unknown, looming fear, i could not smile as readily, walked as reassuringly, talked as openly about my struggles. I need to repair some shameful brokenness and i have to weld the brokenness with much meticulousness to mask that hysterical fear of being abandoned to fend for myself. an irrational dread pervades. I tried telling myself that this too would pass, but my parched tongue constantly torments me that i am in need of refreshing water. i am very much afraid of being left behind as people around me move on to find their loves. how juvenile huh. but I really need to believe that I am not wasting away.
"My people have committed 2 sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
Jeremiah 2:13.
I feel my own desperation in collecting remnants of mirages of oasis in broken glassware very much recently. As if seized by an unknown, looming fear, i could not smile as readily, walked as reassuringly, talked as openly about my struggles. I need to repair some shameful brokenness and i have to weld the brokenness with much meticulousness to mask that hysterical fear of being abandoned to fend for myself. an irrational dread pervades. I tried telling myself that this too would pass, but my parched tongue constantly torments me that i am in need of refreshing water. i am very much afraid of being left behind as people around me move on to find their loves. how juvenile huh. but I really need to believe that I am not wasting away.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
what America needs now
Calm, Methodical Obama
vs.
Friday's unique free-form debate format offered the best insights so far into the vast differences, values and style of Barack Obama and John McCain, and how they would approach the challenges that only a president can decide. It was the stunning contrast in personal behavior, not their answers, that was most revealing.
Given the time spent on the economic crisis, Jim Lehrer had time for only five "lead" questions on national security--on Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Russia, and homeland security. Other major issues will have to await later debates. But there was enough time for many intense and revealing exchanges. With a command of both the facts and the underlying issues, and a reassuring manner, Obama convincingly passed the key test of the debate--is he qualified to be Commander-in-Chief? But the real insights came in the revelations about the way each man thinks under pressure, and the way they interacted.
First, note a recurring pattern: With the exception of Iraq, where the disagreement began with Obama's opening sentence, Obama usually began by laying out broad themes, often mentioning instances of agreement with McCain--frequently using phrases like "John is absolutely right"--before going on to stress their differences. This is unusual, and part of what makes Obama a unique leader; I do not recall any previous major party candidate in a debate volunteering so many instances of common ground with his opponent. McCain's response struck me as odd and even ungracious; he has often proclaimed he would work across the partisan divide, but he undermined his own claim by completely ignoring Obama and his comments. Instead, he attacked Obama repeatedly, using phrases such as "Senator Obama just doesn't understand. . ." at least ten times.
The manner in which each man approached problems was strikingly different. McCain understandably emphasized his own personal experiences, but almost never made clear what he thought was the larger purpose of policy. Each problem was treated on its own, and McCain's proposed policies were invariably confrontational. John McCain's world focuses almost entirely on threats. Obama usually agreed with McCain on the nature of these threats, but his proposals for action were more insightful, sophisticated, and comprehensive, and, unlike McCain's, included the use of diplomatic and economic and moral power.
These striking differences were not simply debate tactics; they highlighted differences between the two men that are in their DNA. One is the product of the brawling traditions of the United States Navy, and survival under unimaginable conditions in a Hanoi prison. John McCain has prevailed in life not by seeking common ground (ironically, the most notable exception was his historic voyages of forgiveness to Vietnam). What has kept him energized (and alive) is his enormously combative style, which he proudly calls "maverick," and his quick, sometimes pre-emptive attacks on opponents. It is not a criticism to say that he is a gambler; he said so himself in his memoirs and in the debate.
Although Barack Obama articulates his positions in a calm, methodical, and understated way, he is clearly just as tough as McCain, or he would never have come this far in life, against unbelievable odds. But he thinks about how to solve problems in a manner much more conducive to successful governance than McCain. While he made clear he is ready to use military force if necessary, his life and career embodies the search for common ground between peoples of different backgrounds, different races, different points of view. During the debate he often emphasized the non-military aspects of American power--including diplomacy backed by American muscle, the restoration of respect for the nation, and the direct link between America's economic strength and its national security.
Astonishingly, McCain had virtually nothing to say on any of these issues--yet these are the tools that must be precisely balanced and deployed with skill if the nation is to regain its leadership position in the world.
This difference was reinforced by the much-noted failure of McCain to look in Obama's direction or address him directly during the debate, and by the grim looks that left many viewers with the impression McCain was just plain angry.
The overall effect was exactly the opposite of what McCain hoped to achieve: Obama showed that he could handle the frontal assaults of an aggressive and seasoned senator-war hero in the very area McCain was perceived to be strongest. Obama offered the larger vision for the nation--and a reassuring sense he would approach issues with the seriousness they required. The gambling, brawling style of John McCain has its attractive side to Americans, but it is not what we need in the White House in these troubled times.
Monday, 22 September 2008
surrealism
The Persistence of Memory (1931)
Salvador Dali
The Enigma is on a quest to peel through the mysteries of Surrealism and the works of Salvador Dali for her Art course. because his melting clocks enrapture her imagination; from the first time she set her eyes on that monumental sculpture downtown one september night to almost 2 years later, as the same imagery encounters her again.
Salvador Dali
The Enigma is on a quest to peel through the mysteries of Surrealism and the works of Salvador Dali for her Art course. because his melting clocks enrapture her imagination; from the first time she set her eyes on that monumental sculpture downtown one september night to almost 2 years later, as the same imagery encounters her again.
*
I was pleasantly surprised to be reminded by the "melting clocks" in The Persistence of Memory that one cool night in 2006 I was roaming Orchard and peering at these sculptures, intrigued by the symbolism which remained thinly veiled to me; it stirred such a curiosity but i lacked the vocabulary to describe it, the language to organize my thoughts, the lens through which i could understand and interpret it as a piece of art. To finally recognize that I was in such close proximity to art that i now know the significance is such a serendipity.
Profile of Time
Alice in Wonderland
*
Primarily a French movement in the 1920s, Surrealism is more than an art movement, but an entire philosophical movement; a way of feeling, a way of living, a way of loving. Like all movements, threads break off and branch out into different forms, into artists depicting fetishes and perversions, but the spirit of surrealism at its inception was more basic and less particular:
"Si vous aimez l'amour, vous amierez le surrealism." >- André Breton, 1924
Breton once said thatin love it was not happiness he sought, but love itself. It was a statement that expressed the combination of hope and despair that fuelled the movement's unwavering engagement with the theme of love.
I am still in the process of being acquitted with my new love. Surrealism. The name even leaves a satisfying aftertaste on my tongue. It seems to put into concrete being the inner world which i have resided in for most of my life, the way i see the world, the way i feel my dulating emotions, and finally now, the way i choose to live.
If Surrealism were a person, it would be a seeker of dreams, the one hopelessly afflicted with wanderlust, with his redeeming factor the courage to give in to his whims and leaving all else behind, pack his bags and go, leaving the constricting world which he knew all his life with his idealistic paradigm intact. Songs and poems to keep his spirit sweet in the lonely days, the fire against conventionality to keep him warm by night.
If Surrealism were to be represented by a single image, i would choose the "melting clock" for the instrumentality of a clock as a time-keeper in this image can only be contrasted with its more ethereal destiny to highlight the futility of time itself. What you thought was the resolute march of time and memory is more fluid and indecisive than you think.
If Surrealism were a song, it would be a lone piano piece by the moonlight, full of the languid sweetness of undying idealism in one movement, and bursting with the gallop of angst against the constricting "real" world it so deplores in another. The contradictions disrupt the synchronization, but it was meant to be 2 entities anyway.
If Surrealism were a lover, it would be one willing to open up his chest and show his pulsating heart to the doubting lover. Gory yes, but such is the unabashed dreaminess yet boldness of Surrealism.
Breton once said thatin love it was not happiness he sought, but love itself. It was a statement that expressed the combination of hope and despair that fuelled the movement's unwavering engagement with the theme of love.
“I think of nothing but love. The continual amusement I derive from intellectual pursuits, for which I am always being reproached as it it were a crime, finds its very justification in this singular and unceasing taste for love. For me there is no idea that is not eclipsed by love. It if were up to me, everything opposed to love would be abolished. That is roughly what I mean when I claimed to be an anarchist.”- Louis Aragon, 1924
I am still in the process of being acquitted with my new love. Surrealism. The name even leaves a satisfying aftertaste on my tongue. It seems to put into concrete being the inner world which i have resided in for most of my life, the way i see the world, the way i feel my dulating emotions, and finally now, the way i choose to live.
If Surrealism were a person, it would be a seeker of dreams, the one hopelessly afflicted with wanderlust, with his redeeming factor the courage to give in to his whims and leaving all else behind, pack his bags and go, leaving the constricting world which he knew all his life with his idealistic paradigm intact. Songs and poems to keep his spirit sweet in the lonely days, the fire against conventionality to keep him warm by night.
If Surrealism were to be represented by a single image, i would choose the "melting clock" for the instrumentality of a clock as a time-keeper in this image can only be contrasted with its more ethereal destiny to highlight the futility of time itself. What you thought was the resolute march of time and memory is more fluid and indecisive than you think.
If Surrealism were a song, it would be a lone piano piece by the moonlight, full of the languid sweetness of undying idealism in one movement, and bursting with the gallop of angst against the constricting "real" world it so deplores in another. The contradictions disrupt the synchronization, but it was meant to be 2 entities anyway.
If Surrealism were a lover, it would be one willing to open up his chest and show his pulsating heart to the doubting lover. Gory yes, but such is the unabashed dreaminess yet boldness of Surrealism.
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