Ed called me at midnight to check out i'm doing and i started unleashing unglam spasms of sobbing across the airwaves of the Indian Ocean to the other end of Asia. I didn't realize that the gaping emptiness of Friday night masked layers of stress that I've been suppressing unconsciously. For the first time in a long time i cried and talked and sobbed some more and sniffed to make sense of all these emotions erupting finally. My heart had been protesting for the longest time to the throngs of people who have been making demands on my time and my ears: Stop urging me we should do this or do that. Stop calling me. Stop smsing me. Stop telling me we are meeting up this week or next. I just want to be left alone to think and feel for myself.
Ed was full of love and godly wisdom as usual and i woke up this morning feeling clean somehow, having spoken to a wise brother in Christ who made my thoughts and motivations clearer and less clouded by fear and uncertainty. But I know that I am still very tired emotionally and physically. I feel like I could really take sometime off for a retreat of sorts. dreaming of Taipei; the throngs of friendly, chatty, Chinese-speaking faces; the clear blue beaches and crisp clear mountain breeze; the bustling nightlife.. . make it happen, Lord.