Sat morning, the guerilla warfare within my heart was over. It was the end of our 1.5yrs or on-and-off tussle, the start of rediscovering myself. It was a quiet but dignified affair as I composed a msg, and concluded the battle. There was no response, but I had conveyed all that I had to. There were no blows left to exchange, and I think he knew.
Was I sad? I think not.. I had thought of relenting, give it a little more time for feelings to wane between us, but sth he said over the line the night before pretty much pushed me to make the decision I should have, more than a year ago. I had poured out my thoughts once again to him, explaining how I was stifled, adjusting to his ultra-practical perspective and life. I was dissatisfied and unhappy in the r/s. He proceeded to give me a lecture on how philosophical and idealistic I was as a person, as if they were dirty words. He urged me to stop thinking, and appreciate what I have now (pretty much referring to himself). He believed I was ungrateful for all he had done for me, and he thought he did a pretty good job. All these words said matter-of-factly and without a pause for self reflection. If most US Presidents are indeed ISTJs, he must be a George W. Bush equivalent. And obviously it pushed all the wrong buttons for an ENFP.
What? I was and still am indignant. No amount of care and concern he had showered upon me can make up for his stepping all over my self worth and dignity. He never thought much of my philosophical musings, my instinctive thought processes, my view of the world as a world of possibilities, my belief in the goodness of mankind. And it irks and frustrates me. No one who knew me well had ever thought I was weak because I feel a larger spectrum of emotions than most, no one had ever criticized my philosophical side as too impractical and naive. They might have suspected these were traits that i had to manage carefully, but none thought they were character flaws.
Was I blind? I think so. I was really moved when I shared this with mum and she told me that I am a princess; that this man was no prince and he obviously didn't deserve me. I didn't realise how i had began to doubt my self worth thru his eyes. How did I manage to stay on this r/s for more than a week? Perhaps that was the evidence that my emotions can get the better of me and I have the ability to self radicalize and hoodwink myself into believing I can be truly happy with this man. A lesson learnt. No MCP, ultra-practical man for me pls. I'm much better off being alone, and complete once again.
Cheers!
Was I sad? I think not.. I had thought of relenting, give it a little more time for feelings to wane between us, but sth he said over the line the night before pretty much pushed me to make the decision I should have, more than a year ago. I had poured out my thoughts once again to him, explaining how I was stifled, adjusting to his ultra-practical perspective and life. I was dissatisfied and unhappy in the r/s. He proceeded to give me a lecture on how philosophical and idealistic I was as a person, as if they were dirty words. He urged me to stop thinking, and appreciate what I have now (pretty much referring to himself). He believed I was ungrateful for all he had done for me, and he thought he did a pretty good job. All these words said matter-of-factly and without a pause for self reflection. If most US Presidents are indeed ISTJs, he must be a George W. Bush equivalent. And obviously it pushed all the wrong buttons for an ENFP.
What? I was and still am indignant. No amount of care and concern he had showered upon me can make up for his stepping all over my self worth and dignity. He never thought much of my philosophical musings, my instinctive thought processes, my view of the world as a world of possibilities, my belief in the goodness of mankind. And it irks and frustrates me. No one who knew me well had ever thought I was weak because I feel a larger spectrum of emotions than most, no one had ever criticized my philosophical side as too impractical and naive. They might have suspected these were traits that i had to manage carefully, but none thought they were character flaws.
Was I blind? I think so. I was really moved when I shared this with mum and she told me that I am a princess; that this man was no prince and he obviously didn't deserve me. I didn't realise how i had began to doubt my self worth thru his eyes. How did I manage to stay on this r/s for more than a week? Perhaps that was the evidence that my emotions can get the better of me and I have the ability to self radicalize and hoodwink myself into believing I can be truly happy with this man. A lesson learnt. No MCP, ultra-practical man for me pls. I'm much better off being alone, and complete once again.
Cheers!