and so we ended. I can't fathom how some people can break up many times over a lifetime; for me, the first had better be the last. it was the feeling of someone forcibly pulling me into 2 halves, and no amount of pleading could get the pain to be dulled. the very first days of separation was extremely tough, amidst spasms of tears I could feel my heart wrenching and i couldn't help but tell myself and God that i couldn't take it. The first three days i couldn't help but cry all day long, an urgent need to get all the sadness to be purged from my body. The phone laid there on the speaker silently, no longer brimming over with i-love-you and what-are-you-doing messages. How trivial it seemed, to outsiders, yet i found myself hopelessly used to the daily sweet nothings. I wanted so much to reverse the decision and be able to have him in my life again. Yet some part of me was still rational enough to keep my weak self from crumbling to the deadly temptation of reaching out once again. I told myself that I would not drop a msg to him, at least till he was back. both of us need and deserve the space to be alone.
On Saturday night, I had a mental image of a phoenix stuck in my head; amidst a flood of fire tears, the charmed bird combusted into flames, and fell as a pile of ashes, only to emerge alive once again. renewed and alive. I saw an inkling of hope in that, that if i should be able to last it out this day, i could be alive once again the next. I woke up to a hopeful Sunday; the air was crisp and hope was as substantial as the warm sunlight on my skin. I was able to laugh and smile and hope once again. It was nothing short of a miracle.
I took 2 days off from work, to recuperate both inside and out. Decided to spend today working on photo collages for my office cubicle. there is something therapeutic about making and looking at photo collages. As i see my own smiling face alongside close friends and family over the years, i'm once again reminded of how rae-diant i once was and still can be. The realisation that i have grown and learnt and loved so much over the years, that I have so many people in my life who care, gives me alot of strength to carry on... and hope for even greater transformation.
On Saturday night, I had a mental image of a phoenix stuck in my head; amidst a flood of fire tears, the charmed bird combusted into flames, and fell as a pile of ashes, only to emerge alive once again. renewed and alive. I saw an inkling of hope in that, that if i should be able to last it out this day, i could be alive once again the next. I woke up to a hopeful Sunday; the air was crisp and hope was as substantial as the warm sunlight on my skin. I was able to laugh and smile and hope once again. It was nothing short of a miracle.
I took 2 days off from work, to recuperate both inside and out. Decided to spend today working on photo collages for my office cubicle. there is something therapeutic about making and looking at photo collages. As i see my own smiling face alongside close friends and family over the years, i'm once again reminded of how rae-diant i once was and still can be. The realisation that i have grown and learnt and loved so much over the years, that I have so many people in my life who care, gives me alot of strength to carry on... and hope for even greater transformation.