maybe it's coz i decided to use this blogskin again. perhaps it's coz i've been digging in my archives and events i've seem to have forgotten. i've been thinking about joan this couple of weeks. i just feel the need to post up my letter to her after her wake. for people to know her, for people to remember her.
it was written about her, and yet for those who missed her:
"it was a surreal experience, going to your wake, then your funeral today. maybe i should start with the night, 24 May, Yun called me at 10pm to tell me the news? With a calm and steady voice, Yun said "She passed away at 920pm. it was peaceful. We're all happy for her." In my heart, i thanked God for calling you back to Him. Quietly i smsed the class and whoever i knew who want to know. a torrent of replies came back, to thank me for informing, to ask for details, to ask if i was going to the wake. the smses came coming and i couldn't reply them all, so i sought Lisa's help to sms everyone the time to meet for Joan's wake.
the following night, we went for your wake and without a word Lisa and i hugged your mother. She was smiling but she lost so much weight from when i last saw her. She's so strong. i know where your strength comes from. then we sat at your wake, not quite knowing the standard protocol for a Catholic wake. your pals were all dressed up beautifully with makeup on; i knew that must have been your wish. that it would be a celebration, not a mourning. there were so many tables of juniors in RJ uniform. hmm, which reminds me, we're j4s now! (eh or is it j5? )Mr Yeo was there too you know. He's still the same old chemistry tutor, not forgetting to inquire about the courses we're taking in uni. i didn't have much to report, except to tell him i'm taking Political Science. "Wah what a big change!" was the only comment he gave me. i was promptly ignored. haha. what would he say if you told him you would have been in Architecture? same reaction perhaps?
We went to take a look at your face in your pretty white casket; what a pretty summer dress your pals got for you. You were asleep, we were silent and our eyes grew red. i didn't cry and there was no sadness in my heart, because i knew exactly where you were. not in that small white casket, but in Heaven, where you're happy, blissful and carefree. a much much better place than this fallen world.
today, we went for the
again all felt very surreal when Mass started, until the priest talked about your last days. how you wished to go for one proper Mass in church. How one day in church you heard God's voice; He comforted you. I burst into tears at that point in time, because i knew how much God loved you and i knew how you felt when God Himself spoke to you, words of comfort, words of assurance. How warm your heart must have been. How you must have cried and thanked Him. How the waves of peace and joy washed over your tired heart and you were tired no more.
it was heartbreaking, when they sang the song for you, Joan's Song. Yun and the rest sobbed so badly at the pulpit that they nearly couldn't mouth the words. but they continued to sing and finished the song with steady voices, Joan. because your pals are as strong as you are. You have inspired and strengthened them so.
they then brought you in your casket, past RJC and to RGS. a big big detour just so you could visit the repositories of memories again. we all stopped at RGS and Yun, with the rest, carried your photo round RGS. it's still the same little palace isn't it? and we're all little princesses in that beloved compound. nothing has changed, nothing has changed. the amphitheatre was as welcoming as ever. days spent there having assembly, days spent there sitting around, days spent there taking CCA photos. they then rushed to send you back on your way to the crematorium, to make it just in time for the cremation. what crazy friends you have ;)
we all took a last look at you in the service hall 2. your mum cried, as she looked at you through the glass of the casket. she cried so hard. you must have been pained to see her so sad. we grieve, not because of your departure to heaven, but because we knew how hard it is for those you have left behind. You'll always be in our hearts and you have indeed left behind a legacy, with your spirit of acceptance and perseverance. we'll all soldier on, because you have showed us how to. See ya in heaven someday.
Love,
Weiting."