ching tells me her heart does a happy dance whenever she sees josh. i imagine that it's a sort of excitement? my heart doesn't do the happy dance for anyone anymore. or did i ever? i dunno. it's just hard for me to imagine how it might feel like anymore. i feel like those robots with Artifical Intelligence trying to comprehend human love in futility. haha. i never thought i would be here in this position. i thought i had to be a master of emotions, knowing and understanding every human emotion. but empathy is not the same of being capable of feeling those emotions myself, i realise. but it's not a missing part that i have to fill up. not yet.