i would like to think i was camouflaged in the dark night. Or perhaps it has become difficult for you to recognise me. after all, i'm different now. not that much different, but different nevertheless. the fact remains that your eyes looked straight ahead and you continued your stride past me, in oblivion. i wanted to call out to you, but the person on the phone wouldn't let me go. my eyes trailed after you, with heldback greetings and choked emotions inside of me. wrong place, wrong time. as is today, as was the past.
it shouldn't have to matter. the ghosts of the past are but a mist that obscures sight, nothing more substantial. as i roamed the streets, broken and directionless. i wanted to fill up the vacuum in my stomach, but my heart cried out for answers. why this vacuum in my heart, till now?
and prophetically, i cried you a river. i broke down on the bus, on the way home, at a run-down basketball court, where no one could see my trembling shoulders. first tears of 2007.
i cried you a river, but you would never know.
if i should one day die without knowing the answers, let me do so without being aware, that i would never know.